A few years ago, I had the privilege to have an impromptu one-on-one dinner with a well-known speaker. As we sat in the small quaint vegan restaurant chatting back and forth, I began sharing with her a little bit of my background and experience. After hearing my story, she looked at me and said, “Oh, so you’ve been self-sabotaging.” I thought, “Wait, what? Why would I sabotage myself?” Then suddenly, the words of a friend came back to my remembrance, “Stop being afraid to succeed.” I didn’t agree with either of their opinions. I mean, who in their right mind would purposely choose not to succeed, right?
The months following that dinner, life decided to show me better than it could tell me exactly what they were talking about. You see, although it wasn’t my intention to sabotage myself, my choices and decisions seemed to suggest otherwise. So let’s take a look at the three behaviors that were setting me back and see if you’ve been doing the same in various areas of your life.
The first thing brought to my attention was procrastination. I had great ideas and great intentions, but when it came time to execute, I would always find a way to delay and put things off. Unfortunately, my luck with that began to wear off. I started missing deadlines, which led to losing opportunity windows, and sometimes, even worse, I took so long that I started seeing my brilliant ideas being brought forth by other people. All because I kept putting things off. As I became aware of this behavior, I took a closer look, and I realized a lot of my procrastination was rooted in fear. Many times I was afraid of what the hypothetical results would be and therefore delayed in applying action to the matters at hand.
Then I discovered procrastination had a friend called constantly comparing yourself to others. Listen, if I thought procrastination was a doozy, this one right here surely held me captive. I would look at other people’s lives and see their success, immediately comparing my apples to their oranges. Then convince myself that I must not be worthy or have what it takes because, despite the similarities, I wasn’t getting the same successes as them. I did this with my career, relationships, material possessions, and more, never realizing or taking into account what that person had to go through to get to that point in their lives. To often, these comparisons would dictate my narrative of self-worth and value.
Finally, because I struggled with procrastination and comparing myself to others, I realized it put me in a POOR state of mind. What’s POOR? It’s a state of mind where I was Passing Over Opportunities Repeatedly. Whether it was fear of failing, not feeling qualified enough, or simply the opportunity didn’t look like what I thought it should be, I was always missing out or not following through on opportunities that could have led me to the success I so desired. When you put it all together, yes, I was self-sabotaging.
However, all was not lost. In discovering that I had been self-sabotaging, I also gained some much-needed wisdom to help avoid doing the same going forward. First, when you are walking in your purpose, there is always room for you at the table. Yes, you may be doing the same thing someone else is doing, but you each have your own niche and uniqueness to bring to the table. Next, appearances can be deceiving. You may see someone’s success on the outside, but you don’t know how much that person had to go through before they achieved the success you see today. Lastly, give your self a break. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and perfection is in no way required.
So now that you see how I did it ask yourself, have you to been self-sabotaging? As always, I thank you for stopping by. Remember, today is a great day to make a difference in the lives of those around you. Oh, and don’t forget to share the love and Like, Love, Share and Subscribe to our blog, so you don’t miss a beat. Until next time…
Be Safe and Be Well,
T. Lynn Tate
The Wholeness Coach